Ulysses
General => Off-Topic => Topic started by: Zyklus on January 05, 2007, 12:07:25 PM
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In Soviet Russia, syrup is with YOU!! (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Murphy%27s_law_application_for_antigravitatory_cats)
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Cat anti-gravity was invented loong ago
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IN SOVIET RUSSIA YOU CONTROL GENES!
IN SOVIET RUSSIA RUSSIA SOVIET.
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I was thinking, and i realized that there is a problem with the antigravatory cat law, which leads to the eventaul destruction of the cat, even when applied with normal curcumstances, i.e. a simple cat with a slice of buttered toast glued to its back, butter out. heres what would happen:
The law states that a cat caught in a gravity warp wills spin, and the speed of rotation will eventually increase overtime. This is impossible. Everyone knows that when butter is left out for too long, it begins to take in heat, which slowly liquifies the butter, making it softer and softer until it is just a semi-transparent liquid. Now, while the cat supposedly is spinning, the butter will slowly melt, and soften, because of the atmospheric temperature around it. Thus, after ten minutes or so, the butter will have softened enough to succomb to CENTRIFUGAL FORCE. With the cat spinning at an ever climbing speed, the centrifugal force, which pulls everything away from the axis, will also increase. The combination of centrifugal force and softened butter leads to this: the butter will eventually fly off the toast, bit by bit. Now, because of the amount of butter dropping, the cat would, in theory, begin to right itself, slowly turning upright. The less and less butter on the toast, the more control of position the cat's feet have. After the butter is about half gone, the cat would be upright, but still hovering, because the butter would still have pull, just not enough to cause a gravitational warp. The cat would then, continue rotating at the speed it was when the butter lost its hold on the cat's physics, because there is no friction slowing the cat down, only air resistance, which would not have much of an effect. As time progresses, more and more butter would fly off, until the cat eventually began descending, when the cat's feet overcomes the forces of the butter. This means that the cat would, after some time, descend until its feet touched ground. This would cause disaster, because the cat would still be rotating at a very high speed, and when the cat's feet toouch ground, the cat's bones would not hold up to the surface friction suddenly slowing/halting the cats rotation. This would cause the cat's legs to become mangled, tore up, and pulverized to the point of no chance of survival. Everyone knows that a legless cat is a dead cat, and that shows that there is a fault in the law of antigravitational cats: the cat will eventually be destroyed.
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But you also have to ask the question... what would succumb to centrifugal force first? The butter, or the cat? Much of it depends on both the quality of the butter, and its temerature at application to the bread and then to the cat, and also to the relative health of the cat.
I know spinning a cat can definitely have negative effects. Though not the gravitational warp field speed that this discussion would provide, personal experience has proven spinning a cat in a office chair can cause detrimental, though entertaining, effects to a cat.
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I know! Do the entire experiment in liquid nitrogen!
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Good idea! The butter would never soften! howver, the cat would surely freeze to death...
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Surely cats don't have to be alive to land on their feet. ???
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Surely cats don't have to be alive to land on their feet. ???
I agree with this man.
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indeed
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I agree with this man.
Yes, one more experiment!
*hides his 4 cats*
*yells "Away, Away you mad scientists!"*
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In Soviet Russia, syrup is with YOU!! (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Murphy%27s_law_application_for_antigravitatory_cats)
“In Soviet Russia, this can't touch YOU!!'” ~ Russian reversal on MC Hammer (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Russian_Reversal)
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I was thinking, and i realized that there is a problem with the antigravatory cat law, which leads to the eventaul destruction of the cat, even when applied with normal curcumstances, i.e. a simple cat with a slice of buttered toast glued to its back, butter out. heres what would happen:
The law states that a cat caught in a gravity warp wills spin, and the speed of rotation will eventually increase overtime. This is impossible. Everyone knows that when butter is left out for too long, it begins to take in heat, which slowly liquifies the butter, making it softer and softer until it is just a semi-transparent liquid. Now, while the cat supposedly is spinning, the butter will slowly melt, and soften, because of the atmospheric temperature around it. Thus, after ten minutes or so, the butter will have softened enough to succomb to CENTRIFUGAL FORCE. With the cat spinning at an ever climbing speed, the centrifugal force, which pulls everything away from the axis, will also increase. The combination of centrifugal force and softened butter leads to this: the butter will eventually fly off the toast, bit by bit. Now, because of the amount of butter dropping, the cat would, in theory, begin to right itself, slowly turning upright. The less and less butter on the toast, the more control of position the cat's feet have. After the butter is about half gone, the cat would be upright, but still hovering, because the butter would still have pull, just not enough to cause a gravitational warp. The cat would then, continue rotating at the speed it was when the butter lost its hold on the cat's physics, because there is no friction slowing the cat down, only air resistance, which would not have much of an effect. As time progresses, more and more butter would fly off, until the cat eventually began descending, when the cat's feet overcomes the forces of the butter. This means that the cat would, after some time, descend until its feet touched ground. This would cause disaster, because the cat would still be rotating at a very high speed, and when the cat's feet toouch ground, the cat's bones would not hold up to the surface friction suddenly slowing/halting the cats rotation. This would cause the cat's legs to become mangled, tore up, and pulverized to the point of no chance of survival. Everyone knows that a legless cat is a dead cat, and that shows that there is a fault in the law of antigravitational cats: the cat will eventually be destroyed.
Place the buttered-toast in tupperware. Then easy-weld it to the cat.
"You can use your anti-gravity cat to replace your dryer! Place your wet laundry on the cat then very carefully duct-tape butter onto the cat. Leave for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Serves 4-5 people." - Martha Stewart
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I have an idea, use quick drying glue instead of butter, it doesn't have to be buttered toast.
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"Don't let your worries kill you, let the church help!"
I lol'd.
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I have an idea, use quick drying glue instead of butter, it doesn't have to be buttered toast.
This is not true. In order for the forces exerted by the buttered toast to exist, it must BE buttered toast. There is nothing that says glued toast always lands glue down, is there? i think not.
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I have an idea, use quick drying glue instead of butter, it doesn't have to be buttered toast.
But, I've never heard of Murphy's law involving Glued bread always landing glue side down.
Yet another variable we must add to the theory. Stop making this testing process more difficult!
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I have an idea, use quick drying glue instead of butter, it doesn't have to be buttered toast.
"If you throw a slice of toast with butter into the air, it will always fall with the buttered side down." and "A cat will always land on its feet." It doesn't say just "butter" it says a slice of toast with butter.
and also
"If you glue the toast's unbuttered side to the cat's feet, it will turn around very quickly and land in the same fashion as the one explained above. This device cannot be stopped from turning, and thus is very handy to use for digging and construction purposes."
lol.
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Construction purposes.
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Construction purposes.
Yeah... :o Poor cat. But who's going to do the construction without the cat? Lol.
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Actually, this theory doesn't have to include a cat... You just need two slices of buttered toast and some object in between.